2 deaths in 6 days.

i'm killing this blog too.

thanks for visiting and commenting and encouraging me :) hope we'll keep in touch somehow.

(taking about death, go see stranger than fiction. excellent movie!)

the end.

insanity

1. my book proposal has been accepted

2. i got a TESOL award for best proposal on NNEST/NEST issues for seattle's conference

3. i sent my big TQ article, cross your fingers

4. i have not started writing the book review i need to send in january

5. i will serve (starting in march) on the TESOL Publication committee for the next 3 years.

just shoot me.

done!!

that's it, the semester's over, i taught my last course yesterday. this feels very good. i must grade papers, now, and meet with tons of students who have different questions, who must tell me about the book they read, who want to convince me to change their grades from an F to an A, who must take a test to be placed in different courses next semester... so, two more weeks on campus and then i'm really done. but not having to teach is a good start!

i had lunch with my chair on thursday. my only complaint was that i felt terribly isolated from the rest of the department because i'm the only one not doing literature. her only complaint was that i spoke too much and "during your first year, it's better to observe and listen"...

who cares. i'm almost on vacation :)

end of semester blues

i've caught at least 3 students cheating on their last test. one was very obvious. i thought about it for a whole afternoon, talked with a couple of other teachers, got a serious headache, and let it go. i don't care, it's their lives. plus, either i talk to the students one on one and if they don't admit it, i'll get in serious trouble, or i have to go through the "official channels" and it'll take forever and i'll be super mad. so there. i hate being a teacher sometimes!

new and improved

i went to this conference yesterday and today. you have to know that since i've moved to my new country of adoption, i've felt like i was on another planet, professionally speaking. the school system, regulations, education, research, problems, everything is different here and it's been interesting to learn how things work but i've felt very isolated too (and i've talked to several people in the field of TESOL who, when they left the US, felt the same. TESOL/ESL is a very US-centered field). plus i'm not working in my "area of expertise," which has been a constant worry since i didn't know if i should keep my old research topics or start anew with something related to my current job.

after talking with two important people at the conference (one from here and one from the US who knows exactly where i come from), here's the conclusion: i'll keep working on the stuff i know best, try to integrate some "sellable" stuff into my current job in case i want to go back to my old field some day, and look for another job in a year if things don't improve.

this is going to be tough because i feel very "removed" from my old "world." issues that were issues before are no longer issues here. i work in a different context that doesn't care about no child left behind or TESOL or TQ or english only or ... i work in a country where esl is seen as nothing more than "last resort help for people who can't survive without it and that we can't kick out at least not yet because they bring too much money in." i work at a school where we can't teach an esl course because it would lower the prestige of the university and so we have to call our course by a different name and also teach other things than esl skills and accept students who don't need esl help in our course in order to have the right to have a course for esl students. i am so sad for this school and for this country.

if i look for a job, though, it will be in this country, i don't want to go back to the US, even if i miss the professional environment a lot, and i mean A LOT. i certainly don't miss a certain president...

bad memories

when i am really really really tired and in my office (or in the subway), like today, and when i have my office door open and hear students and other teachers speak in the hallways or in their offices, i feel like i am in the hospital. it's a very strong memory i have from hospitals, being half awake and hearing people speaking around me, nurses, doctors, visitors... so now, every time i am in this state of mind, when i'm beyond tired and unable to concentrate on things (you should've seen me try to work on my article, it would take me 3 attempts before i could write a word correctly), i feel like i'm at the hospital again...

this is a bit annoying...

ok, i'm really upset, actually. or sad, rather. i know i look young and irresponsible but i'm not an idiot, dammit. i don't think i'm the youngest person in our department but i certainly look like the youngest one. i also teach less than the other new hires because i'm also rewriting a curriculum and intensively learning about the writing centre, but i guess it looks like i'm a joke. or it looks like i've been hired to fill some quotas. i'm a good one, that's for sure, i fill 3 quotas: woman, disabled, and international faculy. great.

so anyway, the problem started a long time ago but it really hit me yesterday. i'm the member of a committee but obviously, my opinion doesn't count and i am not expected to do any work. the other member of this committee has 1) worked on the projet on his own without telling me and presented the results to our department chair, and 2) complained to our chair that he couldn't do all the work alone and needed a third committee member, even though i've tried to talk to him several times, i told him when i was free to meet and that he should just tell me when the time was good for him, and i sent him some ideas to which he never responded.

and then again this morning. i am the member of another committee, and i said i would compile responses to a questionnaire that was sent to everyone and bring the responses to our next meeting. so i compiled the responses i got and made copies for everyone to bring at our next meeting. then on friday i wrote to the chair of the committee and said "could you send a reminder email to our faculty, because some people haven't responded yet" and she replied "oh don't worry, we won't need the responses at our next meeting (???), i'll send a reminder email again in a few weeks." and this morning, i got an email from her asking me for MY responses to the questionnaire, and she tells me that she has been gathering the responses too, and will be presenting the preliminary results at our meeting today!! WTF?? i am not lying or exagerating, i have printed both her emails. this makes NO SENSE!

i feel cheated and pissed off. and very very scared! something is very wrong, either with me or with this department. and i am not sure what i should do about it.