i had lunch with one of the nicest people in my department, someone i think i can trust and who's been very nice with me. she's also new here, and we decided to have lunch together today. we talked... and talked... and talked... and i was very happy to realize that i was not the only one feeling somehow disconcerted at the way things work here. she also feels disappointed by the way we were in a sense lied to, during our job interviews, when we were told that this and that were going to happen and we would create this and we would change that and there were so many opportunities at this university etc... and in the end, nothing happens, every time we wante to do something we're told that we can't because it would upset someone or some other department, and in general, things are a mess. i was so glad to hear her say that.
in the end, she said she gave the department two years to make her feel the way she should be feeling now, the way she was promised to be feeling now... it amazes me that she left a wonderful job at a very large university somewhere else to come here (she transfered her tenure here). so she knows what she's talking about and i can see that it was not just me complaining about things but that there is a real problem in this university.
we also both think that this university needs to learn about drinking fountains and provide at least one per department!!!
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While it is okay to complain about things in the department and the university, it is also necessary to look at the bright side.
In terms of the position itself, when the department hired you, people must have seem something in you that is crucial for the department. It may not be teacher education per se, but maybe your perseverance, your experience teaching ESL writing, or your insights in ESL program administration. Understand which part of you that is the most valued in the department and try to develop that part of you. That does not mean you have to give up other parts of you. When I was hired, my department mostly valued my work in comparative rhetoric. I did not fully realize this until my first annual review a few months ago. Now I know that whether I can get tenure or not depends on how much and how well I publish in this area rather than in second language writing. But now my department knows that ESL writing is also my expertise, they send people with ESL writing issues to me.
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