the weird thing is that it's hard for me to think of myself as only a teacher and no longer a student. yesterday, when that lady was being stupid about starting class at 11:00, i should have acted as a professor, not as a TA. i should not let people give me orders, i should not be intimidated by people, i should not shut up during a meeting with the dean of engineering when the topic is esl students and i'm the expert. i must find a way to see myself as "just as good as they are." it'll be a long process.
i also feel that for now, i've been hired as an "image" of something but i'm not supposed to really do anything except teach and publish. my job description talks about leadership in this and leadership in that and revising the curriculum and upgrading the course and blah blah... but really, i don't think the esl instructors see me as something else than "just another esl instructor who knows nothing about nothing" and every time i make a suggestion, they say "oh, no, we've been doing things THAT way for many semesters and..." and they won't change. their excuses are either that "it works" so why change it, and also that "it's not university policy" so we just can't change it. for example, we all have to have exactly the same assignments at the same time, and we need to grade everything exactly the same way. i want to add an extra chapter? no can do! i want to penalized my students if they come late to class or miss class? no can do. i want to use different examples than those in the (british!) textbook? no can do!
something else is highly disturbing: the esl instructors see all their students as cheaters and liers. for example, we can't assigned them to write essays at home because "they'll ask someone else to write the essays for them." so we have to ask the students to write each essay (it's a composition class!) IN CLASS and then we initial EACH PARAGRAPH before they leave class and then they can revise the essay at home once and we only grade the revised essay. forget about the importance of revision! we can't ask them to revise the ideas but only to revise grammar. why bother about the ideas, the organization, the sentence structure, etc.?! another example is, we MUST all have our exams on the same exact day and we can't have exactly the same exam (but then we're supposed to grade the exams exactly the same way!) "because they'll memorize the questions on the exam and they'll tell their friends in other sections." etc. etc. etc. it's not like everyone is innocent until proven guilty, it's everyone is guilty, period! i absolutely hate that. on the one hand, we have to "treat them like adults" so we can't take attendance, and on the other hand, we treat them like kids and can't even ask them to write an essay at home because they'll cheat. right. this is so screwed up.
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Maybe you need to let things go their old way in your first year. Stage your opinion only if you are asked to. Keep observing and thinking. Maybe in the second year you can take up more responsibility in redesigning the curriculum, assignments, and materials. Complain less and observe more in your first year.
I suggest you ask your university to get the book Paul, Christina, and I recently edited. Every chapter deals with a specific writing program--how teachers, program directors in the program negotiate with university authorities. There are some strategies to negotiate with both the university authorities as well as other ESL instructors. If you'd like to review this book for the ESP Journal, you may contact the book review editor Alan Hirvela at [hirvela.1@osu.edu]. Mention my name and he should send you a copy for you to review.
xiaoye: yes, that's what i'll do, i don't really have a choice anyway. and don't worry, i complain here but not so much in real life :)
good idea about the book, i'll do that, thanks.
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